This is not my ceiling
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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