My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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