Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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