nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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