Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
