That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
