Having a random hookup so left but love u
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize