just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
