Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
