I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
