Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
