i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
