love makes seman taste better
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
