your room smells of hookers.
And success
She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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