Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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