I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
