so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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