Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
