don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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