Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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