possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
