That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
