dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
