Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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