I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My feet surprised me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
