I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
