i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
