Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
