Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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