i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
