My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
