well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
