just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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