none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
