I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
