That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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