3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
