If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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