Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
