i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
