You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
