So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
