does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
