If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
