Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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