how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
