They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
