i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
