My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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