of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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