so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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