Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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