He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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