Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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