I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're a waste of cheezeits
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
