I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
