i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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