So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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