He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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