Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework

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(714): View more from California

We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(201): View more from New Jersey

The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

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(303): View more from Colorado

they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?

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(+61): View more from Australia

I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while

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(713): View more from Texas

She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party

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(949): View more from California

I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs

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