your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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