oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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