i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
