I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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