Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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