and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
