Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
