umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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