I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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