i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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