She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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