I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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