And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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