I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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