I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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