There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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