You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
