Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
